happy new year!

*bow*.

happy new year!

*bow*.

happy new year!

*bow*.

LSS today.

Two to one
Static to the sound of you and I
Undone for the last time
And there this was
Hiding at the bottom of your
Swimming pool some September
And don't you think
I wish I could stay
Your lips give you away

I can hear it, the jet engine
Through the center of the storm
And I'm thinking I'd
Prefer not to be rescued

Two to none
Roads that lead away from this
I'm following myself just this once
And I've got spun
It appears you're spun as well
It happens when you pay attention
This could take all year, but

When it's quiet, does she hear me?
Jettisoned to the center of the storm
And I'm thinking I
Prefer not to be rescued
Oh, I can feel her, she's dying
Just to keep me cool
I'm finally numb, so please
Don't get me rescued... rescued...

And it's unclear
But this may be my last song
Oh, I, I can tell
She's raising hell to give to me
She got me warm
So please don't get me rescued
Oh, say you'll miss me one last time
I'll be strong, but whatever you do
Please don't get me rescued...

'Cause I'm feeling like
I might need to be near you
And I feel alright, so please
Don't get me rescued...

[Jack's Mannequin, RESCUED]

merry christmas!

merry christmas sa lahat!

at happy birthday kay Kristo.

i'm tired of fighting. i'm giving up. pfft.

KUNG BINASA MO ANG 85+ BLOGS KO OVER THE WEEKEND, BASAHIN MO RIN ITO.

OMG. Disclaimer lang talaga, i tried cross-posting NEW (i repeat: NEW) entries, but lo and behold, shet ang multiply at kinross-post niya lahat (as in LAHAT) ng blogs ko sa blogspot account ko. AS IN LAHAT. pati yung mga 2004 blogs ko.

kaya please, kung binasa mo lahat ng 85+ blogs ko, gusto ko lang sabihin na OKAY LANG AKO. PRAMIS. at, at, at.. angsty college student ang nagsulat ng mga previous blogs, kaya paumanhin. oo, angsty ako nung college. yun na yun. tapos na. okay.

which reminds me, kung natapos mo lahat ng blogs ko, congratulations. ang tiyaga mo! at, at, at.. buti nakatiis ka sakin. kung ako nga eh nasusuka/natatawa sa mga sinauna kong sinulat.

haha. kids.

way past speeding.

hello.

learning to cross-post. maybe you're right, haha. stupid creating a blog thinking no one will read it. duh. its online. haha. yeah.

listening to the cd you gave me 6 months ago. woah. 6 months. and on wednesday, it'll be 7. imagine that. 7. didn't think it'd last this long, did you?

i'm sleepy. i'm sure you're sleeping now. guess what, you're stalker is back and has been blocking the messages i sent you as well as the ones you sent me. i just read the ones you sent, by the way. a little over 3 hours too late.

i've been researching. haha. just trying to get insights on how i can make it better. luckily, you know enough for the both of us. wide reader much?

yeah. about kanina. we both know its inevitable. when it does happen, though, well, hopefully we're mature enough individuals to know how to deal with it. if not, oh well.

hay. oo na. gimingaw na ko nimo. tsar.

another day. another year.

well, i guess i'm 22 now. pfft.

another year, another useless year. oh well.

so what if i'm obvious? nobody cares anyway, so here goes nothing.

i'm really scared to tell you that i'm not okay because i'm scared you'll get tired of taking care of me.. just like everyone has.

i'm scared to tell you things like these because i'm scared to find out that you don't really feel the same way. have you been thinking about me as much as i've been thinking about you? these kinds of things.

i know you're going to ask me about this, and like every other thing, i'll just brush it off. because in all honesty, i'm not used to letting people see what's lying deep within me.

anata wa tsumetai kokoro ga imasu yo!

D: blah blah blah. kalagot siya.
C: ano ka man. nagahanap ka ng away?
D: (napaisip) feeling ko. pero kalagot man din gud siya.

now THIS song says it all. it says what's going on.

are you not the slightest bit confused? just the truth.
the speed at which we move blends so well. it's too soon.
separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us.
push your weight on to me entirely.
stay away from me, stay away from me now.
unless you're gonna see, unless you're gonna see me out.
no, i can't dance unless it's slow or sad.
to a song that's far less obvious.
you're using me, do it slowly.
make it last until i have to go.
trust me when i say just a few more weeks. don't move.
resist temptation, or do as you see fit. just choose.
separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us.
push your weight on to me entirely.
stay away from me, stay away from me now.
unless you're gonna see, unless you're gonna see me out.
no, i can't dance unless it's slow or sad.
to a song that's far less obvious.
you're using me, do it slowly.
make it last until i have to go.
stay away from, stay away from, stay away from me.
stay away from, stay away from me.





- i don't know what's happening to me. don't leave.

tsumetai kokoro ga imasu ka

aaahhhh...

gusto kong magmura ng malutong. promise. tang ina. yun. kanina pa nun gustong lumabas. tang ina. bakit nanaman ito bumabalik ng di oras. tang ina. di ko na nakikita talaga. hindi ko na maintindihan talaga. leche. naglagot jud ko. as in nag mug-ot ko, naglagot ko sa akong kinabuhi. nawad-an ko ug rason nganong naa pa ko diri. bisag ikaw, di na nako makit-an nganong naggunit ko sa huna-huna na okay ra na naa ka, kay dili pud diay.

wala ko kabalo kung ako ra ni, o kitang duha, nganong nawala man kalit, nganong murag wala na lang gyud ko giganahi. wa koy labot kung maayo pa ba ni o dili na, pero naguluhan na gyud ko. dili nalang siguro ta magkita hantud nakit-an na nako kung nganong naglisod ko karon. yawaa gyud ani ui. wala gyud nako mahinumduman kung nganong naing-ani naman ko.

globes and maps

what i'm listening to: globes and maps, something corporate
mood: somewhere between desperation and contempt

pakiramdam ko napakawalang kwenta nito. walang kwenta rin ang mga pakiramdam na ganito.

one day, i'll see you walk out that door.

i hate growing up. i hate this moving forward, because it entails a leaving behind, it makes sure that you are faced with consequences that you never even dreamed of or even considered before you decided to move on.


do you wanna leave or something?

siguro kung hindi ako nagmadali, wala sana ako rito. siguro kung hindi ko inisip ang mga bagay-bagay. sila naman din ang nagdesisyon ng ibang aspeto ng buhay ko, bakit hindi ko nalang inalay ang buong buhay ko? e di sana wala na akong iniisip pa, wala sana akong pinagdedesisyonan. wala sana akong buhay.

scorn. is there no choice at all?

when you can relate, then it sucks.

"When Did Your Heart Go Missing?"

Love don't come so easily
This doesn't have to end in tragedy
I have you and you have me
We're one in a million
Why can't you see?

I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing, yeah?

I meant every word I said
I never was lying when we talked in bed
I'm retracing every step in my head
What did I miss back then?
I was so, so misled

I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?

I don't understand
How could you forget what we had,
It's so wrong

I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?

Things were so good
We had a little dream
A little dream together
Buy a house, settle down, do our thing
But you disappeared on me
And your heart, your heart went missin'
I don't know how to find it
I don't know where it is
I don't know where your heart went
It was here just the other day
Now it's gone

random randomness.

"happy weekend!"

that's what people at the office say as we leave the office on Friday afternoons/nights. baka polite lang talaga sila. or, well, they're trying to say na 'hey, have fun over the weekend coz when monday rolls around, patay nanaman tayo sa trabaho.' well, at least they wished me well.

kaya nga lang, well-wishes dont do you any good. especially when you have a weekend headed for disaster.

bottom line is that, when you're not in good terms with a "really good" friend and with your boyfriend, you're really not in for a "happy" weekend.

because there are days when you just dont wanna get up in the morning..

hay. bangag ako kaninang umaga. at pagod. at hindi masyadong masaya. not even after the ice cream fix. now im trying the "lets see the world from a different perspective" approach.

im trying to see if i can make it alone. it just seems odd that for the most (and i mean MOST) part of my life, i've never really had anyone. and now, its odd trying to see myself without you. i'm not clingy, i think. and i dont think i've grown dependent either. just that, it feels right when your hands are in mine (or is it when my hands are in yours) and im in your arms (or is it when you are in mine). its just crazy really.

here's the deal, i think. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you.

ganun lang talaga ka-simple.

you are unbelievable.

osaetkjhhsfbiusbawiebdiubciaweubdajshfiawbviawgfbiwag,ibfugcbbcdhdjsjhbfiwuhrfcbiuwedhb awiufhb vwaiufhb awiufgbciaufgbviuwehfbicuhjhdjbhhfuguigsbhfnnchjgviusgfwiufniwuhf.

grabe. sa sobrang inis ko yan lang ang masabi ko.

awehgfiaw gcygyqfyugbfiyxangxyig ysiuhsuadbfsjhfyusvfhebf sejhfsubfw hsbhbfyegfiuwnf seiufhusfeab fhaw vfysbviubfuwibfwie fwyevfywebfuwgf

ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wag nalang tayong mag-usap para wala nang problema. di bale, iilang araw nalang at aalis na rin ako. wag mo nang isiping babalik pa ako.

you're a sell-out. we're all sell-outs.

yep, that's how i felt this morning. being in between sure isn't fun. when you're the only one that people will talk to, when you're the only one who sees the big picture, how come i couldn't say anything to help the situation? because i'm a sell-out, that's why. ugh. an ugly feeling of i-told-you-so is pouring itself out upon me. terrible thing, people who know that compromise is all that it takes yet they don't want to. terrible, terrible how he knows that he should work for it but he really doesn't and i really see how she does and that she's really sick and tired of it all now but he doesn't see that and he doesn't understand, or rather, begs not to. why he is such an ass and why he still brings up the past is a mystery even to me. yet why he talks only to me is an even bigger mystery.

and now i'm leaving. what'll become of this?

sometimes, things don't work out the way you planned them to.

callie: i forgive you. you made a mistake.... so i forgive you.

haha, i dont know if nakakarelate ako.

i don't know a lot of things. i don't know if i'm overbearing, or clingy, or over-doing it. kaya dapat sinasabi. at least that's what i think. and i think that maybe i'm praning but that, well, what is happening here?

few days. a few days. what is wrong with this?

"unta ma-tap nako ang akong inner strength ui."

there are a million butterflies in my stomach. and in less than two weeks, there'll be a million more.

sabi ni kuya ian wag ko raw isipin ang mga bagay-bagay para hindi ako ma-praning. pero anong gagawin ko kung ganon lang talaga ang personality ko? sagot niya? sometimes, kailangan i-shut off ang mind. hay, namiss ko tuloy siya pati ang mga individual consultations namin. haha, pero hindi ko namimiss ang pagpapaiyak niya sa akin.

scary lang talaga isipin na magbabago nanaman ang lahat. andaming pagbabago sa loob ng isang taon. sabi nila, the only constant thing in life is change and yeah, i believe so too pero may paraan ba so that we can, well, keep safe?

ah okay.

ah okay. so ganyanan nalang. grabe.

bakit napaka walang kwenta ng araw na ito?

when reality bites.

just when you find the perfect dress, you find that you also have the perfect excuse not to buy it: you're running low on cash. haha. oh well. reality.

i really don't know why i write all of these on a crazy blog that everyone can read when i have my own personal journal. haha, makes you think what the heck do i still write in that journal.

well, in other news, i finally have a job. yey. not unemployed (or single, haha) anymore.

..because sometimes i can be a jack-ass and not think of how others feel

oh no. i think tsong's right. haha. baka nga meron. at nilabas niya ang emo-ness niya sa crazy shoutout box sa isang website (haha, wasn't that such a give-away?). oh no.

ganun na ba talaga ako ka-clueless? sometimes, i really do live up to my name. sometimes, i can be so dense. no wonder i had no clue. hay. ewan.

pero ayun. sorry nalang sa kanya.

may day.

wala kang paki-alam? okay lang. ako rin, para fair.

hindi kaya nagpinataka lang tayo rito? bahala na. mangyayari lang naman ang kailangang mangyari. bahala na talaga.

you just have to wait it out.

shucks, this is depressing. seriously. but i'll try not to get sucked in, i promise. its a lot of things really, but mostly, its about missing you and hating this crazy situation that we're in. don't get me wrong, i don't regret a single second of everything that we've been through.. all 16 days of this.

haha. 16 days and i'm like this. imagine what i'll be like in a month. haha. oh crap, i hope i survive. haha. well, i think i will.. maybe i'm just over-thinking things, like i allllways do.

but really, gosh, i miss you.. so much. i never really thought i'd fall in love with you like this. but i did and well, i like it.

i just really really miss you. :(

a feeling i just cant shake off

its a little bit of everything, and a loss of a big thing. i don't understand, but maybe i do. haha. ang gulo.

tha past 11 days have been a whirlwind. sobrang saya. imperfectly perfect. its like i found what i've been looking for. masaya, masaya. paalala pa ng isang kaibigan, biyaya ang lahat.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
==> yung pic sa far right, nakaw na picture sa loob ng airplane galing manila pauwing davao. nakaw siya dahil low bat na yung cam, kaya buti nalang at nahabol pa ang pic na ito. masaya, first time ni aligs sa davao. hehe. mas na-excite yata ako kesa sa kanya nun. haha. wuui, emphatic raw.

whatever happened to the people in the picture? si ambo is back home in cagayan de oro, and aligs is there visiting him. as for me, im at home, preparing for the big trip back to iloilo tomorrow. hmm.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

one word for it all: bittersweet