Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, "To be nobody but yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change who you are - that is the greatest accomplishment."
I have always tried to stick to my guns, always making sure that everything I do resonates with who I am. In a way, integrate everything so that I am living out what I think, what I believe, who I am and who I want to be.
Oddly enough, with you, I feel like a fish out of water. All. the. time. I don't know how that makes me feel, because most of the time, I am just uncomfortable and I am kicking myself under the table. I'll admit, there are times when I overlook this or simply ignore it, because I want to be with you. I'm just not sure if that will be enough, given that sometimes, what you want out of life is not what I want.
I want to feel, and think, and meditate, and reflect. You just want to keep going. I want to stop and smell the roses, you barely even notice them. And what's worse is that, I don't even feel like you want to just spend time with me. Literally waste time sitting and doing nothing. You always want to be doing. And I don't know how I feel about that.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Monday, March 21, 2016
I Want to Keep On Keeping On.
Hello.
It's funny how long bus rides make me think about things that have long past. In this instance, they made me think about you. Unfortunately, I had around 6 hours worth of bus rides to think. And Coldplay, Bon Iver, and Sufjan Stevens do not help. I think I should change my playlist. I am on Spotify, after all.
I can't remember anything in particular, but I've just been wondering about you. I was broken when you left. You saw me broke and beaten. I wonder - did you ever break? Did it ever break you to see me like that, to wake up and realize we're not together anymore? To not see me next to you? I want to make it clear - I don't want you back. I cannot fathom why I ever said yes to you in the first place. I may not necessarily be in a better place without you, but I do not want to be with you. I guess I just want to know if you were as blinded with pain as I was.
I fight the urge to call you sometimes. I fight every single fiber of me that wants to ruin your life. Because that's not me. There is a side of me that is, but it is not my entirety. And every day, I fight these demons.
I hope one day, they disappear along with every thought of you.
It's funny how long bus rides make me think about things that have long past. In this instance, they made me think about you. Unfortunately, I had around 6 hours worth of bus rides to think. And Coldplay, Bon Iver, and Sufjan Stevens do not help. I think I should change my playlist. I am on Spotify, after all.
I can't remember anything in particular, but I've just been wondering about you. I was broken when you left. You saw me broke and beaten. I wonder - did you ever break? Did it ever break you to see me like that, to wake up and realize we're not together anymore? To not see me next to you? I want to make it clear - I don't want you back. I cannot fathom why I ever said yes to you in the first place. I may not necessarily be in a better place without you, but I do not want to be with you. I guess I just want to know if you were as blinded with pain as I was.
I fight the urge to call you sometimes. I fight every single fiber of me that wants to ruin your life. Because that's not me. There is a side of me that is, but it is not my entirety. And every day, I fight these demons.
I hope one day, they disappear along with every thought of you.
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