where are you now?

where are you? i want you to know that i miss you. i want you to know that being apart is not the best thing in the world.

can i borrow this for a while?

"My life is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it's a lot like your world, maybe it's nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you.

Someone trying to find their way.
Someone trying to find their place.
Someone trying to find their self.

Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, unsatisfied, barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay, because we all need a little help sometimes.

Someone to help us hear the music in their world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you."

why sadness is hard to forget

trying to be something that you are not used to is difficult. trying to be a different version of yourself that you have not been is difficult. simply trying is difficult. so why do we try? why do we want to be somebody else when there are other things that we need to fulfill? because change is constant, they say. because if you do not change you will be left behind, they remind you.

trying to love more that you can is difficult. simply loving is difficult. it includes not just being happy but also being sad and lonely, being angry and understanding, trusting beyond what one can comprehend. so why do we love? because love makes the world go round, they say. because love can sustain us during the trying times, they add. because without love, living is not worth it, they remind you.

do we listen to what others say? or do we believe in what our hearts and minds tell us? do we even realize that what we think and feel is simply the result of reminders and sayings of people who have come before us? that sometimes, though we think that our thoughts is something unique to ourselves, that in reality our thoughts were borne out of ideas that were crafted in our minds by people who have influenced us? that perhaps, there is not one original thought in the world, except for the very first person who ever existed, from where all the thoughts and ideas and emotions came from.

why do we give in to emotions? why do we give in to only half of the spectacle? how come it is hard to have both? how come we must choose only one? if there was a choice for everyone, how come some people are left with nothing? how come some people only give and give and give and are taken for granted while some people take and take and take and complain that it is not enough?

what is the point of existence? of trying? of loving? of happiness? of sadness? of simply being?

pain in a suitcase

it sucks to wear your heart on your sleeve, where everything is open for everyone to see and poke sticks at.

this is why jumping in is stupid. this is why jumping without thinking about it and weighing the options and looking at the pros and cons is inconsiderably dumb. this is why i want to climb back up from this stupid leap that i took.

shet shet shet. this is so stupid. enough of this already.

everybody says that you should quit while you're ahead. does that apply to this situation too?

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what the f**k do you want from me!?! sinusunod ko kayo, ako ang masama. hindi ko kayo sundin, ako pa rin ang masama. puta, ano ba ang gusto niyo sa akin!??!?