just plain pathetic

i have absolutely no idea what i am doing. i've been staring at the sky since last week. i reckon it can drop some answers on me. i'm so crazy about him that it's driving me crazy. yet i know i shouldn't be crazy about him because he's not crazy about me.

i feel like i wanna walk around tonight. but that's crazy coz the streets are gonna be packed with people because of this stupid festival and free concerts, etc. etc. whatever.

i feel like my heart is swelling with all these feelings that i shouldn't have. he makes me want to break out in song, but i dont have a song in mind. he makes me wanna dance around even if there's no music. he makes me want to hug him so tight - i hate it.

what i hate the most is that he keeps sending me mixed signals. i really don't know what to make of it.

oh won't someone please kill me???

thief.

i feel so bad. i'm stealing a whole person here. i really should stop.

i'm stealing someone else's inspiration. i'm stealing someone else's hope for hope. i'm stealing everybody else's hope for love. and in all this, i don't feel worthy. no, im not worthy.

i'm so mad because i let myself get this way. i thought i was okay all alone but it turns out that im not.

hmm.. i started a novel last year. it's called the diary of an 18-year-old suicide. i was thinking of finishing it, but i'm almost 20 and i'm still alive so, whatever.

i feel duped. like i was lied to or something. this always, always happens. and though i see it, i dont hit the brakes. the lights were all up in my face but i ignored it.

stupid, stupid me.

messed up but loving it.

i





am



so




confused!

i dont know what to do any more. but the thing is, i think i kinda like it.



won't someone please save me????

the heart dies slowly...

go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
... i cant stop thinking about what happened. what will happen now?

when you fall everyone stands, another day and you've had your fill of sinking
... funny, but im sinking in my own thoughts and i cant expect anyone to care

with the life held in your hands are shaking cold, these hands are meant to hold
... i wonder. was i really meant to hold anybody else's hand? or perhaps i was meant to shiver alone.

speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong move along, move along like I know you do
... apparently, i cant let it out anymore. i feel that when i speak, i bring people down with me. its just depressing to listen to a depressed person.

and even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through
... indeed moving and moving and moving is the only solution. in my case, its working, working, and working.

so a day when you've lost yourself completely
... im afraid i've already lost me.

could be a night when your life ends
... oohhh, dont tempt me.

such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
... it seems that the only thing im good at is deceiving and nobody knows it.

all the pain held in your hands are shaking cold, your hands are mine to hold
... the pain just wont - cant - go away. no more, no more. im tired.

right back what is wrong, we move along.