Isn’t it funny how certain people read too much into body language or words or even simple text messages? Isn’t it equally as hilarious when we assume that a simple ‘hi’ could be translated to something deep as ‘I like you’? I’ve noticed that we read too much into little everyday notions. I really don’t wanna name names but if you find yourself in the same situation, please do remember that asking you out on a date ISN’T TANTAMOUNT to asking your hand in marriage so please…if anyone asks you out and you happen to like that person, then say yes, go out and have fun. It’s as simple as that.
Then there’s this self-righteous girl preaching that we girls shouldn’t think that it’s important to have a boyfriend because we can live on our own. Okay, missy, we can live on our own but don’t you think that you’re being a little hypocrite? You’re only sixteen and you’ve had 2 ‘boytoys’ and I’m 18 but I’ve never been close to having a boyfriend before. The way I see it, you just crashed and burned too many times that a mental picture of all male species on this planet has been permanently etched in your mind. Fine, kudos to your new Miss Independent image because we all wish to be independent someday but come on lady, you’re already committing a logical fallacy here by making hasty generalizations. So there!
Today has been one of the weirdest days I have ever encountered. Let me enumerate why:
1. Only once in a blue moon does my mom go shopping and – gasp – she went shopping with me. She even bought me tons of new stuff (mom! Is that really you!?!?) Heck, she’s been with me all day. From bringing my dad to the airport to her daily errands to lunch at KFC and shopping. Not only that but when we finally reached the airport, my dad realized that he left his passport at home which was a good 30 minutes drive from the airport and it was 9:25 am and his flight was at 10:10 mind you. Trust me, if a car could just fly, I swear, we would have flown.. we actually got there in record time. Guinness Book of Records, here we come!
2. Free shirts are a gift from heaven.. Right? Right! So why is it that I turned down an offer to get one from my mom? I mean, we were out shopping right, and then there was this perfect shirt lying right there in front of me. Think: Black striped shirt in just the perfect size and fit for my body type. Truly perfect. But NOOOO, i just had to politely decline the offer. What the…??!!?
3. My sister (who is only 13, mind you) added yet another guy to her list which I fondly call the “boyfriend collection”. And mind you, she’s been eyeing this guy for months. Please be reminded, though, that this guy is the best friend of her ex-boyfriend.. huh?!?!!
4. My mom lovingly reminded me that maybe it’s just not my time yet and that maybe, I should wait a little longer. If someone should be reminded to wait, it should be my sister, don’t ya think!? Heck, I’m 18 and I’ve been eternally single and she’s had, well just 2 boytoys (to the best of my knowledge, I remember its 2.. or is it?) and she’s what.. 13?!?! I rest my case.
One thing I really am going to complain about is that: why is everybody in a serious relationship or getting married??? Maybe it’s just me. Or worse, maybe I’m just getting old. I’m guessing everyone’s going to go through this, right? Yeah, every one.. Oh wait, except me of course. Welcome to the world of the Eternally Single.
Another question: why are all the cute guys taken? Even worst, why are they queer or are priests? What is the world coming to today?!?!
Okay, I’m the biggest liar ever. I go on saying that I’m over him but the truth is, I’m just pretending that I am. So, I guess the joke’s on me again. But soon enough, the tables will turn, I will have him in the palm of my hands and I will make him go ‘round and ‘round in circles…bwahahahaha!!!
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
welcome to my world
One of the biggest things I’ve EVER regretted is going to this stupid university. I regret ever enrolling in it every single waking day of my life. If I had the chance, I really would have gone to UP. It is one of the best schools this side of the world. If ever you get your acceptance letter to that school, DO NOT PASS UP THAT CHANCE! Beg, Plead – heck, even cajole – your parents into letting you go to that University. And, if in any case, they do not listen, run away. I’m serious. I really hate my school. This whole situation is pathetic that I cannot even begin to fathom it. I swear, where I’ll be after I graduate from this so-called “Quality” school is one HUGE mystery to me. Think: Deceitful School Administration, Incompetent Teachers, Apathetic Classmates, Redundant Subjects… its one pretty picture, isn’t it? Can’t wait to brag that to any office that I’m going to try to apply in after studying in that school. It’s so easy, that even a bum could get a 2.0 average and not break a sweat. What the…??!!?!?! I cannot believe that I am here. I swear, even the smallest community colleges back home are so much better than this school. They can’t even produce competent-enough teachers. Let me paint you a picture: You walk in to your first major subject in a year thinking that it’s grand and guess what your “professor” says: “Class, I’m sorry but I’m not really knowledgeable in this subject. This is my first time to teach this…blah, blah, blah.” The same thing MAJOR subject after major subject after major subject. Sure, I get high grades and I’m not complaining because I’m brilliant…NOT. Like I said, even a bum could pass with flying colors. I could even go to my classes with my brain half-dead and still pass all of them without breaking a sweat…. Yeah, yeah, I know. I complain too much. But you would too if you were in my position! And that’s not even half of the anomalies that that stupid school is hiding. Believe me when I say that that school is all kinds of wrong for anyone who believes in brilliance and transparency. And also, trust me when I say that I was being dragged, kicking and screaming just to enroll in it. Honestly? It wasn’t even in my first choices and I can’t do anything about it because my parents won’t let me transfer to a different school.
Check out its website and you’d think it was one piece of art. Sure they have new buildings with air-conditioned classrooms and elevators, but trust me, it isn’t what it seems. Hmm… seems reminiscent of a couple of lines I heard from “Mona Lisa Smile”: “She looks happy, so what does it matter?... Let me tell you, not everything is as it seems.” Just because something looks perfect and polished on the outside, it doesn’t mean that the inside isn’t destroyed and rotting. Just because that stupid school looks great and enormous on the outside, it doesn’t mean that the administration is great too. Trust me, that school is run by the devil himself, a couple of advocates and the rest of his little mean workers as well. Pardon me for being vague about which school I’m talking about or which people I’m describing when I say the devil and his advocates. That’s because the school might get hold of this and bury me alive. Yes - I’m scared of being found out. Hey, I have a right to be human too. Let’s just leave it at that. I’m guessing there are better things to rant about than things that we can’t change in a million years.
It’s funny how TV movies are so jam-packed with all these wise things that sometimes, they’re even better than the big-screen ones. Take it from a girl who was subjected to watching the television for a whole 2 days, these TV movies are so much better – and they’re free too. The only downside is that they talk of one in the same thing – Love. It speaks of it in every single angle imaginable. Aside from that, it only reminds me of my status of eternally single and my lack thereof. Another amazing thing that these TV movies do – at least for me – is that they add to my ever-rising level of cynicism. Seeing as they remind me of my lack in, well, lurve, I tend to make up for my loss by adding a couple of sarcastic remarks here and there. Oh, but don’t be fooled. I was cynical way before I discovered these “lovely” TV movies. Heck, even love songs can’t get away fast enough from my wrath. The weird thing about this whole cynicism thing is that I’m not even heartless. Dense, probably, but definitely not heartless. But then again, if you really thing about it, I guess it’s one of my coping mechanisms. And if you really get down to it, aside from creating facades, sarcastic remarks and cynical comebacks are my specialties. But even deeper than that, you can see that I’m just one of those wounded persons trying to get by life unscathed.
In the past week, I’ve learned tons of new things. It seems as if I learn a new thing everyday. Well anyway, I’ve realized that falling out is part of life. And no matter how painful it is, we all fall out of something. Like, we fall out of situations where we are in love. Or we just come to a point where writing just isn’t as alluring as it was a couple of years ago. Worse than that, sometimes we just realize that there are people who we just can’t talk to anymore. It seems as if time and distance has severed my relationship with them. I can’t seem to reach them like I did before. I can’t talk to them like I could a couple of years before. I just want to go back to the time when I could tell them everything. Now, it just seems like everything I do get on their nerves and vice versa. Whenever I come to see them, I just want to get as far away from them as possible. It even reaches a point where I feel like I actually hate them. Honestly? Maybe I just miss them. Or, maybe, I just changed. And trust me; the change was definitely NOT for the better. I don’t know what happened but I don’t seem to know who I am anymore. I was getting along great, but somewhere in the journey, I changed into someone I don’t even want to be. It’s crazy because I don’t like what I see anymore. In the course of trying to love myself and getting to know me, I think I lost the real me in the process and I hate myself even more. I used to look in the mirror and I could see myself clearly, even if I still needed some work done. But now, I look in the mirror and I see that my eyes are hazy. They’re not clear anymore. Nothing is clear anymore. Nothing is real anymore.
Check out its website and you’d think it was one piece of art. Sure they have new buildings with air-conditioned classrooms and elevators, but trust me, it isn’t what it seems. Hmm… seems reminiscent of a couple of lines I heard from “Mona Lisa Smile”: “She looks happy, so what does it matter?... Let me tell you, not everything is as it seems.” Just because something looks perfect and polished on the outside, it doesn’t mean that the inside isn’t destroyed and rotting. Just because that stupid school looks great and enormous on the outside, it doesn’t mean that the administration is great too. Trust me, that school is run by the devil himself, a couple of advocates and the rest of his little mean workers as well. Pardon me for being vague about which school I’m talking about or which people I’m describing when I say the devil and his advocates. That’s because the school might get hold of this and bury me alive. Yes - I’m scared of being found out. Hey, I have a right to be human too. Let’s just leave it at that. I’m guessing there are better things to rant about than things that we can’t change in a million years.
It’s funny how TV movies are so jam-packed with all these wise things that sometimes, they’re even better than the big-screen ones. Take it from a girl who was subjected to watching the television for a whole 2 days, these TV movies are so much better – and they’re free too. The only downside is that they talk of one in the same thing – Love. It speaks of it in every single angle imaginable. Aside from that, it only reminds me of my status of eternally single and my lack thereof. Another amazing thing that these TV movies do – at least for me – is that they add to my ever-rising level of cynicism. Seeing as they remind me of my lack in, well, lurve, I tend to make up for my loss by adding a couple of sarcastic remarks here and there. Oh, but don’t be fooled. I was cynical way before I discovered these “lovely” TV movies. Heck, even love songs can’t get away fast enough from my wrath. The weird thing about this whole cynicism thing is that I’m not even heartless. Dense, probably, but definitely not heartless. But then again, if you really thing about it, I guess it’s one of my coping mechanisms. And if you really get down to it, aside from creating facades, sarcastic remarks and cynical comebacks are my specialties. But even deeper than that, you can see that I’m just one of those wounded persons trying to get by life unscathed.
In the past week, I’ve learned tons of new things. It seems as if I learn a new thing everyday. Well anyway, I’ve realized that falling out is part of life. And no matter how painful it is, we all fall out of something. Like, we fall out of situations where we are in love. Or we just come to a point where writing just isn’t as alluring as it was a couple of years ago. Worse than that, sometimes we just realize that there are people who we just can’t talk to anymore. It seems as if time and distance has severed my relationship with them. I can’t seem to reach them like I did before. I can’t talk to them like I could a couple of years before. I just want to go back to the time when I could tell them everything. Now, it just seems like everything I do get on their nerves and vice versa. Whenever I come to see them, I just want to get as far away from them as possible. It even reaches a point where I feel like I actually hate them. Honestly? Maybe I just miss them. Or, maybe, I just changed. And trust me; the change was definitely NOT for the better. I don’t know what happened but I don’t seem to know who I am anymore. I was getting along great, but somewhere in the journey, I changed into someone I don’t even want to be. It’s crazy because I don’t like what I see anymore. In the course of trying to love myself and getting to know me, I think I lost the real me in the process and I hate myself even more. I used to look in the mirror and I could see myself clearly, even if I still needed some work done. But now, I look in the mirror and I see that my eyes are hazy. They’re not clear anymore. Nothing is clear anymore. Nothing is real anymore.
Monday, November 01, 2004
of colors, movies, and clichés
I just got home from someplace where I spent the afternoon with a couple of friends of mine and one of my eye candies. I was wondering why I got myself in the situation. I mean, don’t get me wrong or anything, because I really had fun but… (there’s always a BUT, isn’t there?) I felt like something was wrong. Not only did the shirts add insult to injury (take note that the three of them were wearing white shirts and I was the only one in black) but maybe it was also the fact that I couldn’t relate to most of the stuff they were talking about. I know I don’t really make sense and this whole thing seems shallow, but really, I think something was out of place. But then again, it’s all forgotten now. I’m thinking that things like that, if taken to heart, will just build up to a heart attack. Small things really shouldn’t be taken into great consideration.
One of the services that send me these messages sent me something that really made me rethink a lot of the things that had been happening in my life these past few days. It says: “Be assured that the right person for you will see the beauty of your soul. You don’t have to change anything to be accepted by someone who wishes you were someone else. You’re perfect as you are, and you should be proud of that. Stand up for yourself before someone steps all over you.” I’m guessing this means that I have to accept myself as I really am, flaws and all. It’s ironic how I keep on advocating that “perfection isn’t really the lack of imperfection, rather, you are perfect because you are imperfect” and yet I strive to be a perfectionist within me and with everything I do. As I think about it now, everything that I do is an irony of what I say. I guess it really does stand true that actions speak louder than words. So anything I say now is just about useless as a penny when one wants to buy a car. But if you look at it this way, that penny is also very useful since if you lack even a penny to have the exact amount of money that you need to buy that car, then the penny is rendered useful, don’t you think?
…when everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am…
It’s amazing how people claim that movies are an imitation of life and yet, in reality, it’s the farthest thing from the truth. It’s as if there’s no bigger lie than that of the movie. No matter how they make the protagonist as that of a human being with a bad side, still it seems so polished that even the bad side is helpful in catalyzing the movie, or in most cases, its actually what makes that character so alluring in the first place. Songs, though helpful in expressing oneself also proves to be that of a cliché. Although songs are beautiful in their own right, they seem to tell the same story over and over again. The same can be said of books. No matter how hard they try to create a new genre, even being different is a cliché. What I’m getting at is that everything is typical that even if you break out and try to be different, it still seems that you are conforming. Even the word ‘non-conformist’ is a cliché. In a world where everything is built on lies and deceit, the only thing that is REALLY ‘non-conformist’ is honesty. Truth is the only thing that remains and stands firm when everything else has broken down and seems to be in shambles. Little white lies are seen from every angle. Even withholding something is considered as lying. In our own selves, we are conforming to what the world is dictating. We throw a couple of white lies here and there, and we even create reasons just so we could justify our need for the lies. Maybe rationality is a bad thing. With rationality, it is so easy to turn the tables to our favor and make a bad thing into something good and vice versa. What was once an Eden for humankind, the world has now turned into hell manifested.
One of the services that send me these messages sent me something that really made me rethink a lot of the things that had been happening in my life these past few days. It says: “Be assured that the right person for you will see the beauty of your soul. You don’t have to change anything to be accepted by someone who wishes you were someone else. You’re perfect as you are, and you should be proud of that. Stand up for yourself before someone steps all over you.” I’m guessing this means that I have to accept myself as I really am, flaws and all. It’s ironic how I keep on advocating that “perfection isn’t really the lack of imperfection, rather, you are perfect because you are imperfect” and yet I strive to be a perfectionist within me and with everything I do. As I think about it now, everything that I do is an irony of what I say. I guess it really does stand true that actions speak louder than words. So anything I say now is just about useless as a penny when one wants to buy a car. But if you look at it this way, that penny is also very useful since if you lack even a penny to have the exact amount of money that you need to buy that car, then the penny is rendered useful, don’t you think?
…when everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am…
It’s amazing how people claim that movies are an imitation of life and yet, in reality, it’s the farthest thing from the truth. It’s as if there’s no bigger lie than that of the movie. No matter how they make the protagonist as that of a human being with a bad side, still it seems so polished that even the bad side is helpful in catalyzing the movie, or in most cases, its actually what makes that character so alluring in the first place. Songs, though helpful in expressing oneself also proves to be that of a cliché. Although songs are beautiful in their own right, they seem to tell the same story over and over again. The same can be said of books. No matter how hard they try to create a new genre, even being different is a cliché. What I’m getting at is that everything is typical that even if you break out and try to be different, it still seems that you are conforming. Even the word ‘non-conformist’ is a cliché. In a world where everything is built on lies and deceit, the only thing that is REALLY ‘non-conformist’ is honesty. Truth is the only thing that remains and stands firm when everything else has broken down and seems to be in shambles. Little white lies are seen from every angle. Even withholding something is considered as lying. In our own selves, we are conforming to what the world is dictating. We throw a couple of white lies here and there, and we even create reasons just so we could justify our need for the lies. Maybe rationality is a bad thing. With rationality, it is so easy to turn the tables to our favor and make a bad thing into something good and vice versa. What was once an Eden for humankind, the world has now turned into hell manifested.
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