new year.

mag-iisang taon na in a couple of hours. and im still feeling the same way i did last year. down and alone.

help!

what am i gonna do with my life? there are a lot of ideas, but not a lot of options. and time is running out.

i dont wanna stay here. staying here would only make my world smaller than it already is.

any more ideas? or better yet, do you have options? email me if you do.


"... and a hero no one else could save."

Help the cause that serves the cause!

Friends!

Wanna have round trip tickets for two and travel to any destination in the country via Cebu Pacific?

Or dine for two at Edsa Shangrila Heat Restaurant? or at Portico in Fort Bonifacio?

How about watching your favorite stars and celebrities live in concert?

Oh well, all you have to do is to check on the details below? This is a fundraising effort for JVP to maintan and sustain the programs it runs and serves. Here's how you can join and help:

A. Pagbibigay Kusang Loob Raffle (Draw date: December 19, 2007 ). With your Php200 you are entitled to ten raffle entries that give you ten chances to win from among the following prizes:
1. Grand Prize: Round trip ticket for two to any destination in the country (via Cebu Pacific)
2. Second Prize: Dinner for two at the Edsa Shangrila Heat Restaurant
3. Third prize: Dinner for two at the Portico in Fort Bonifacio
4. Other exciting consolation prizes



B. A Special Christmas. A heartwarming Christmas Concert featuring Hangad, Jose Marie Chan, KC Concepcion with guest Randy Gilongo and the beautiful children of Ang Arko.

Concert will be on December 12, 2007 at the Santiago Hall, BDO Tower 2, Makati Ave. cor. Dela Costa, Makati.

The ticket prices are available at Php500 and Php300. We will also premier the special music written by Jed Balsamo especially for JVP entitled 'A New Hope'.


Please call Joseph Uy (Resource Development Officer) from JVP National Office at +632 927-9060 or email him josephuy2004@yahoo.com for the number of booklets and tickets you wish to purchase. Or visit the office at 3F Bellarmine Hall, Ateneo de Manila University, Quezon City, 1108 Philippines. Alternative line: Tel No. +632 426 6001 Local 4880 and Fax No. +632 426 6908.


Contact JVP now! Help the cause that serves a cause!

mirthless.

sosyal. yan yung world na sinulat nung isang volunteer sa slumbook namin sa office. maulap raw kasi at napaka-sad ng weather. pati raw ang environment at ang school ay sad. kaya mirthless daw yung word na naiisip niya. sosyal talaga.

medyo natawa ako na hindi nung nabasa ko yung sinulat niya sa slumbook. feeling ko kasi there's something going on inside of him. but his nature is really that of a secretive one, and i wouldnt want to be the one to push him to reveal more than he's willing to. hopefully in time, i can coax him out of his shell. (sosyal. coax.)

i really want to hear his story. i don't know if anyone is listening to mine though.

so this is what they mean when they say "BE CAREFUL!"

hmm.. i've got a bruise on the bridge of my nose. paano ba naman kasi, feeling swimmer. gusto raw mag-laps. kailangan talaga may kasamang dive. eh kamusta naman sa magandang pasok sa tubig pero pagpasok naman eh... bang! sinalubong ng ilong at labi ko ang tiles sa ilalim ng pool. miss na siguro ako ng pool. gud lack naman sa half-bloody (meron ba nun? haha) na ilong. well hindi naman sobra. medyo lang dumugo. haha. first time kong magkaroon ng literal na nosebleed. haha.



paggising ko kanina natawa ako sa hitsura ko. parang akong binugbog. haha. may bruise sa ilong at namamaga ang upper lip. aba, feeling boxer! waah. connect? wala lang.



paggising ko rin kaninang umaga, feeling ko napaka-wala lang ng kabuuhan ng buhay ko. parang, ayun, wala lang. naiintindihan ko ba ang sinasabi ko? ewan. basta ang alam ko, pakiramdam ko nakalutang ako sa tubig ngayon.

dahil nakakainis ang multiply....

i tried to blog there twice... TWICE! and what do i get? nothing. absolutely nothing. not even a dot. crap!

now im more angsty than ever! swear! grrrrrr....

im not feeling like myself today.

for the first time in a really long time, im feeling helpless. helpless and hopeless. and its getting the best of me.

i dont want to succumb to this feeling of nothingness, but it seems too imminent that its impenetrable.

right now, i'm not sure if there'll be better days.

what i hate most about this is that this is exactly what i wanted to run away from. seems like its following me anywhere i go and i dont know what - or who - to confront and how to confront it.

salamat sa pag-reply ha. that's one thing i really hate. me pouring my heart out and you not caring one bit.

i hate it when people ask you if you're okay and when you say what you really feel, that you're not okay, all they'll say is.. "ah. OKAY LANG YAN". HELLO!?! hindi nga okay diba?!? crap.

if you never intended to listen, then why did you ask? pucha. sa susunod, huwag ka nang magtanong.

in the most idle of days..

yehes. today is idle. but i choose not to be.

i could easily drop you a list of all the people i miss right at this very moment, but what good would that do me? in the whirlwind that is my life right now, i choose not to add anymore drama to the already dramatic situation that i readily shoved myself in. but a little phone call probably wont hurt.

hmm.. today, i thought of a lot of things. things so unimportant, that im sure nobody ever thought about it. like the difference between giving and sharing. these two terms may be ideally the same, but to me, they are worlds apart. with sharing, you partition a whole and give a part of that to someone. in giving, you give the whole, no matter how hard that may seem. with sharing, you are hesitant to actually give everything, which is why only a part may be given. with giving, you unhesitatingly offer whatever it is you have to whomever is asking. uh-huh. that is how i see it. you may not affirm. i dont mind.

here's the funny thing. a blog entry, for me, is like sharing. and my diary is giving. i share a part of myself. only a part for i am hesitant to give my whole self, all the things that i may contain. whoever gets my diaries (yes, in plural. im not kidding) when i "fly away" gets the whole of me. no ifs ands or buts. no holds barred (whatever that means. i just think it sounds right. tsk tsk).

and then, there's the thought on just forgetting whatever it is that is killing me right at this moment and leaving it all up to Him. He, that sent me here. He, who guides all my days. He who protects me while I sleep and He who opens my eyes to a brand new day.

i started this week with a very positive disposition. now, its the only thing that remains positive. my work can be very tiring at times. my living conditions can be very stressful at times. the people i live with can drive me crazy at times. then there's the people who i long to see. who i long to communicate with. who i long to talk to. and there are those who cant just get enough.

yes, time does fly. but right now, im still seated in the plane, waiting for take-off. and it really is taking a while for the plane to move. im getting pretty impatient.