at this moment, i can't breathe and i'm feeling utterly helpless. helpless because i have a very complicated paper to finish which was just made known to me this morning. now i don't wanna start it yet because i don't know how and i don't know what to do.
last night, i called him up for some business matters. it seemed like his voice now sounded cold. was it because he was tired? was it because he was preoccupied with things? or was it mainly because it was i who called and he does not wish to speak to me, or some twisted thought like that?
and then the question: am i causing him trouble? am i making things hard for him, and for myself as well?
the only solution that seems viable now, then, is death. with death, everything will come to an end. homework, thesis, papers, problems, life. but then, the problem would be that there would also be no more music, ice cream, movies, coffee, or even the sweet serenity of holding hands. perhaps it will all just be... blank.
and then it seems that death is the only option.
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