down and depressed, all day, everyday.

well, let's start with how i feel right now: sad, lonely, depressed, angry, helpless, unlovable, numb, pissed off.

and that's just the surface. there's still a lot more where that came from, like abandoned, forgotten, taken for granted, afraid - that kind of stuff.

some days, i feel like there's no cure for this except a way out. i can't wait until graduation, but i'm dreading it as well. BUT AS OF THE MOMENT - graduation and leaving is all i can think about. i don't want to think about him, about all the things bothering me right now.

but of course, knowing me, even if i don't want to think about it, i still do. my mind gives me no comfort in resting for even in sleep i stil dream about it. it doesn't matter anyway. perhaps i was - or have always been - meant for doom.

i dunno, i hate what has been happening. i hate life. i hate you. i hate me.

im so hateful.