Science and Faith

I like looking at you laugh. It makes the heaviness go away.

I like listening to your stories. They keep me attentive and occupies the space in my cluttered brain. I appreciate that you take up all the space, because I can't keep thinking about all the negativity anymore.

I like talking to you. You look (or at least pretend to look) like you're really interested in what I have to say.

I like the fact that you give me the time of day, because some days, I really could use the company and the anonymity.

hey there.

what happened to us? we were so good together - or at least i thought so. i don't really know what you were thinking, i'm guessing you never really let me in. i thought we were best friends and that we could share anything with each other without fear of humiliation or judgement. but when i really needed you, you decided to judge me and toss me out the window instead.

i hate that this is still bothering me. that you are still in my thoughts and that you chose to push me away. i still think we can fix this, but i guess this is all up to you now. i just hope i don't wake up one day and realize that the love that was once there is gone, that i don't feel anything anymore.

the mixed tape.

drag me out to a deserted island with a guitar, an iPod, and a glass of water, and we can call it quits. you know, i used to stare at the door for hours hoping against hope that you'll walk through that door. i guess there's no use for that now. what use is there when hope is actually gone?

"this mix can burn a hole in anyone, but it was you i was thinking of."

time to say goodbye.

it's a lonely ride on a midnight train.

chill. relax. steady. center yourself. i get it, i really do. i just, how i wish you were here. i swing from okay to numb to sad to angry and back again in 5 seconds. i can't do this to myself anymore.

how can i smile when there are tears in my eyes?

farewell.

never felt this kind of cold before

a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do and a boy has to become a man. and i'm sorry for saying but it's love that i need and it's love that i can't get from you.

guilty pleasure.

hello.

i honestly don't know what to say to you right now. some days i can't breathe and i want to punch a hole in my heart, hoping the air will actually fill my lungs.

tears sting my eyes on a daily basis. so many things i want to ask you. some days i want to shake you so vigorously, hoping the answers will just fall out.

why. one question. just one. but its the worst one and it kills me every single day. waking up is, well, it's torture. is this what you have always wanted for me?

what else are you hiding from me? which moments were real and which ones were a lie?

i still don't understand why you let your fear get the best of you and drown you. didn't you notice the lifeline i tried to throw you? or maybe you didn't want to notice.

no one needs to understand how i feel. it's just there - and you, you yanked everything from right under me.

Of riding bikes, living life and getting old.

Dear friend, I know we don’t talk often (heck, I don’t think we even talk at all) but I would like to take this time to thank you. You may not know it but your blog post made everything much clearer for me. And to top it all off, you used a bike as a metaphor – one of my favourite things in the whole world.

You see, I’m turning 26 today. The weeks, nay months, preceding this day were – for lack of a better word – depressing. I have been on and on about the pressures that are mounting against me – a higher paying job, getting married and having a family, finding a better place to live, being a better person, etc. etc. After reading your blog entry, I realized that maybe I was pushing myself to adhere to the pressures of society. Then it hit me – you’re right. We only have one life and there is no formula to living it. Like riding a bike, it is much better to let go and not grip the handlebars too tightly. Why do we like making simple things so hard?

I realized that maybe I’m putting too much importance on what other people say about my life and where they think I should be at this point in my life. Why should I be living my life according to their standards? When everything has been said and done, they won’t be the ones living with my decisions. And so here I am thinking that I need to live my life in the way that I want to, because I don’t want to be old and keep thinking “what if”. I want to look back and say that I did what I could do and that there are no regrets.

And so like riding a bike, instead of listening to people saying this is how you should do it, I should just get on it and go. If we all rode bikes the same way, then life just wouldn’t be interesting. If you just kept riding straight, not going left, right, uphill or downhill, where’s the fun in that? I think I’m just scared of the thought of falling rather than the fall itself. The challenge isn’t that you shouldn’t fall, but rather to get up after the fall.

I’m not good at ending blog posts, but who cares? I just wanted you to know that although we’re not close, you helped me get through one of the hardest bike rides I have ever experienced. So thank you.