Hello.
It's funny how long bus rides make me think about things that have long past. In this instance, they made me think about you. Unfortunately, I had around 6 hours worth of bus rides to think. And Coldplay, Bon Iver, and Sufjan Stevens do not help. I think I should change my playlist. I am on Spotify, after all.
I can't remember anything in particular, but I've just been wondering about you. I was broken when you left. You saw me broke and beaten. I wonder - did you ever break? Did it ever break you to see me like that, to wake up and realize we're not together anymore? To not see me next to you? I want to make it clear - I don't want you back. I cannot fathom why I ever said yes to you in the first place. I may not necessarily be in a better place without you, but I do not want to be with you. I guess I just want to know if you were as blinded with pain as I was.
I fight the urge to call you sometimes. I fight every single fiber of me that wants to ruin your life. Because that's not me. There is a side of me that is, but it is not my entirety. And every day, I fight these demons.
I hope one day, they disappear along with every thought of you.
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