I Want to Keep On Keeping On.

Hello.

It's funny how long bus rides make me think about things that have long past. In this instance, they made me think about you. Unfortunately, I had around 6 hours worth of bus rides to think. And Coldplay, Bon Iver, and Sufjan Stevens do not help. I think I should change my playlist. I am on Spotify, after all.

I can't remember anything in particular, but I've just been wondering about you. I was broken when you left. You saw me broke and beaten. I wonder - did you ever break? Did it ever break you to see me like that, to wake up and realize we're not together anymore? To not see me next to you? I want to make it clear - I don't want you back. I cannot fathom why I ever said yes to you in the first place. I may not necessarily be in a better place without you, but I do not want to be with you. I guess I just want to know if you were as blinded with pain as I was.

I fight the urge to call you sometimes. I fight every single fiber of me that wants to ruin your life. Because that's not me. There is a side of me that is, but it is not my entirety. And every day, I fight these demons.

I hope one day, they disappear along with every thought of you.