let's see...

let's see. i'm sitting here, staring at the computer screen and trying to think of reasons why i'm still not where i want to be. apparently, i have been holding back on almost everything and this time, i'll start to do it my way.

so perhaps i really am a groupie deep deep down. perhaps whatever it is i read was right. im too afraid to make a fool out of myself to let me enjoy things the way i want to do so. perhaps i keep on thinking of what people think to actually think for myself. perhaps i'm such a people-pleaser that i forget that the only two people i'm supposed to please are myself and God. perhaps i keep on forgetting that my worst enemy is me.

i think the worst thing that i ever do is that i think too much. everything just has to be over-analyzed. everything just has to be perfect, just the way that they should be. perhaps i overlooked the fact that maybe things are imperfect because they were supposed to be that way. i tend to forget that imperfection was created just that way - to be imperfect.

never did i think that i would reach this certain cathartic state. perhaps im this way right now because im too high on mefenamic acid to even realize that the world still exists outside or perhaps i really have understood myself enough to say that this isnt what i wanted myself to become.

perhaps now i can start being me.