i missed a whole month. dont ask why. maybe i did it on purpose because i just didnt want to remember all the things that happened. i still dont yet i do. more often than not, i dream about what i dont want to think about.
maybe i didnt try too hard. or maybe i tried to hard that i failed. i dont know. either way, i'm too tired to do it all over again. no amount of regretting will bring it back any way. all i can do is move on and pray for a better day.
yet again im still not where im supposed to be. perhaps in being where i want to be, i am truer to myself. so maybe my calling in life was to become a groupie. who cares?
another email address isnt gonna solve my problem of loneliness. it will just add to the intensity of the reality that i am what i am - truly alone and depressed.
still no word or sign of hope from anyone. maybe they have forsaken and forgotten about me. or maybe i have forsaken and forgotten myself. im not really in the mood to rationalize this anger and hurt that i feel. yes, i am less angry than i was a half an hour ago. but that does not hide the fact that yes, i was hurt. yes, i feel too. yes, i too am a human being and i also have the right to get mad.
but then the principle of responsibilities over rights suddenly slaps itself across my forehead and i am left to wallow in sadness alone, feeling hurt and depressed.
i hate it that people are now moving away from each other and are being more and more individualistic. self first before anyone else. i hate it that they are all starting to become apathetic and that the cynic in me is screaming out that it won - that trusting people in good faith never works.
it just bites you back in the ass.
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