shame on me

i cannot believe i fell into this trap yet again... but wait, i seem to get hauled in by that bait every single time... i just cannot believe im stupefied by this guy who tries to act all cute and shit and actually has a girlfriend.. i also cannot believe that it happened to me four times in a row... im guessing another one like it will break my heart and might just kill me this time.. right now i'm listening to TC and one song just took the words out of my mouth:

what's the way of love?

tell me your fiction / tell me your lies / say to me now you'll never forget this night / i'm feeling emotionless / my head's so clear / my enemies aren't the ones i fear / you know your kiss confuses / this troubling soul / and i found out / that we're all breaking hearts / yeah we're all broken hearts

if only love could find us all / if only hearts didn't have to fall / we can't mislead to make things / so instead we'll sleep alone tonight

what's the way of love?

you are thinking im crazy / but you're blushing of lust / i've heard a lot of nice things / but tell me which ones i'm to trust / the walls are made of glass / and they have been known to crack / but until then / you keep pushing my way / i'll keep pushing you away

if only love could find us all / if only hearts didn't have to fall / we can't mislead to make things right / so instead we'll sleep alone tonight, yeah

well if you wanna take a chance / and try to make things right / you better have a reason to be loved / yeah we all want something more / that it is worth fighting for

if only love could find us all / if only hearts didn't have to fall / we can't mislead to make things right / so instead we'll sleep alone tonight

and if somehow fate were in my hands / would it be enough to understand / why we feel lost in a world so small / if only love could find us all -"If Only" The Calling

i don't understand why things never turn out the way they're supposed to be. its like fate is - in itself - twisted that it never ever ends up right. but then again maybe it isnt my time yet. but if you really think about it, when is my time? when i'm shriveled, old, and gray?! or maybe when i'm laid in a coffin?! its so unbelievable how certain songs remind me of a certain exact feeling at an exact time whenever i hear that song over and over again. sometimes, its heartbreakingly accurate that the song is immediately associated with the person in question.

another funny thing is how music is so intricately woven into my life that if i lose my music, its as if i lose my only outlet of self-expression. lets just say i see myself in what i listen to. my moods are dictated by the kind of music that i listen to. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that if you really want to know how I feel right about now, just listen to the songs “if only” by The Calling and “life got cold” by Girls Aloud. Maybe then someone could actually help me out.