detached anger

and so the recent events have led me to realize that perhaps this anger is of a detached kind, the kind that made my blood boil for no reason, and yet, it is its not like i was the one at a loss, so i cant really tell why this is wrong or on how so many levels, this is just unjust.

perhaps a detached kind of emotion is what i should begin to master. i must master the art of deception, deceiving even myself into thinking that it does not really matter or that i dont really care. perhaps when i have mastered detachment, you can tell me that we can end this.

until then, i will keep pretending.

where are you now?

where are you? i want you to know that i miss you. i want you to know that being apart is not the best thing in the world.

can i borrow this for a while?

"My life is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it's a lot like your world, maybe it's nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you.

Someone trying to find their way.
Someone trying to find their place.
Someone trying to find their self.

Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, unsatisfied, barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay, because we all need a little help sometimes.

Someone to help us hear the music in their world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you."

why sadness is hard to forget

trying to be something that you are not used to is difficult. trying to be a different version of yourself that you have not been is difficult. simply trying is difficult. so why do we try? why do we want to be somebody else when there are other things that we need to fulfill? because change is constant, they say. because if you do not change you will be left behind, they remind you.

trying to love more that you can is difficult. simply loving is difficult. it includes not just being happy but also being sad and lonely, being angry and understanding, trusting beyond what one can comprehend. so why do we love? because love makes the world go round, they say. because love can sustain us during the trying times, they add. because without love, living is not worth it, they remind you.

do we listen to what others say? or do we believe in what our hearts and minds tell us? do we even realize that what we think and feel is simply the result of reminders and sayings of people who have come before us? that sometimes, though we think that our thoughts is something unique to ourselves, that in reality our thoughts were borne out of ideas that were crafted in our minds by people who have influenced us? that perhaps, there is not one original thought in the world, except for the very first person who ever existed, from where all the thoughts and ideas and emotions came from.

why do we give in to emotions? why do we give in to only half of the spectacle? how come it is hard to have both? how come we must choose only one? if there was a choice for everyone, how come some people are left with nothing? how come some people only give and give and give and are taken for granted while some people take and take and take and complain that it is not enough?

what is the point of existence? of trying? of loving? of happiness? of sadness? of simply being?

pain in a suitcase

it sucks to wear your heart on your sleeve, where everything is open for everyone to see and poke sticks at.

this is why jumping in is stupid. this is why jumping without thinking about it and weighing the options and looking at the pros and cons is inconsiderably dumb. this is why i want to climb back up from this stupid leap that i took.

shet shet shet. this is so stupid. enough of this already.

everybody says that you should quit while you're ahead. does that apply to this situation too?

sjbtqljewbfiasbfajsendluafiwaynijd

what the f**k do you want from me!?! sinusunod ko kayo, ako ang masama. hindi ko kayo sundin, ako pa rin ang masama. puta, ano ba ang gusto niyo sa akin!??!?

the grapevine is wise, sometimes.

sabi ng kaibigan ng kaibigan ko, "hay naku, maramot yang si summer. hindi maingat! kunwari innocent. innocent niya bangs niya." [referring to summer sa (500) days of summer]. at first tawang tawa talaga ako. but then, thinking about it, totoo talaga. sobrang maramot siya. ipinapasaya niya lang ang sarili niya na hindi niya iniisip ang kapakanan ng iba. okay, sige, sabihin nga natin sinabi niya na from the start na hindi nga siya naghahanap ng "something serious", pero kahit na. alam niya nang nagsisimula nang mahulog yung isa, e di sana pinigilan niya na. but no, habang siya ay masaya pa, go pa rin. nung hindi na siya masaya at kuntento, bitawan na. ano ba yan? nasan ang hustisya don?

ang masasabi ko lang, panoorin niyo na lang ang (500) days of summer. kakaiba siyang rom-com. bow.

birthdays wear me out.

another useless year. really.

badtrip, who says you need to celebrate on your birthday? what is a birthday anyway? seriously?

god am i tired

god am i tired, or what. this has taken the most out of me and i don't want to give a damn anymore.

who cares if im in an area that's dangerous? we all live in areas with different dangers abound. so i might die. who cares? we'll all die one way or another. it's just a matter of who goes first and how. so i go first. i don't care.

seriously. i don't want to care anymore. i really don't.

maybe, seriously, perhaps i was meant to be alone. i'm better off alone anyway. and so are you.

addicted because all i ever think about is you

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush

Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me, just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl?
Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever!

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
This crush ain't going away

- CRUSH, david archuleta

hahaha. napaka anti-whatever ko talaga. ngayon ko lang sobrang na-appreciate yung song. ganda. hehe. nakaka-addict. wala lang. dont read into this too much.

camera one (kasi emo daw ako! haha)

The Rules:
1.) Open iTunes, or your music player of choice
2.The Rules:
1.) Open iTunes, or your music player of choice
2.) Turn on Shuffle, or Random, or anything similar
3.) Push Next for every question
4.) Type in whatever song that comes out
5.) Don't Cheat (seriously, you're only ever really fooling yourself)



WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
june [up dharma down]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
the astronaut [something corporate]

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

mary [pupil]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
march of the pigs [mae]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
book of love [peter gabriel]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
my friends over you [new found glory] -->haha! galeng ah.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
interlude [my chemical romance] --->wooh, emo haha

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
tea and sympathy [jars of clay]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
i'll be [edwin mccain]

WHAT SONG WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
build God, then we'll talk [panic at the disco] ---> this is going to be a cool wedding hahaha

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
twenty three [yellowcard] ----> sana naman not because that's my age when i die

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
don't look back in anger [oasis]

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
take it or leave it [jet] ---> o ha! ano say mo? haha

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
freak out [avril lavigne] ----> trishaaaa! get your songs out of my playlist! :P

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
prayer or rupert mayer [himig heswita]

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
no ordinary love [urbandub] ---> wah. emo. i'll die at twenty three because of no ordinary love. kewl.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
time machine [click five] ----> trisha, pleeeaaseeee take these out! T.T
 
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
coming undone [highwater rising] ---> haha. ang emo ng mga sagot talaga! :P

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
she [ryan cabrera]

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
L.O.V.E. [frank sinatra] ----> wahahaha!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
relapse [jesse maccartney]

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
perfectly happy [the ataris]

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

camera one [josh joplin]

got this from my sister who got this from a friend who probably got it from someone else too..

IN 2008 I...

[x] broke a promise

[X] fell out of love

[x] lied

[ ] cried over a broken heart

[x] disappointed someone close

[x] hid a secret

[x] pretended to be happy

[ ] slept under the stars

[ ] kept your new years resolution

[x] forgot your new years resolution

[x] met someone who changed your life

[X] met one of your idols

[x] changed your outlook on life

[X] sat home all day doing nothing (pfft, this is EASY.)

[x] pretended to be sick

[x] left the country

[X] given up on something/someone important to you

[X] lost something expensive

[x] learned something new about yourself

[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it

[x] made a change in your life

[X] found out who your true friends were

[x] met great people

[X] stayed up ‘til sunrise

[X] cried over the silliest thing

[x] had friends who were drifting away from you

[X] had a high cellphone bill

[x] spent most of your money on food

[ ] had a fist fight

[ ] went to the beach with your best friend(s)

[x] gotten sick

[X] liked more than 5 people at the same time

[x] became closer with a lot of people


pfft. this list is easy. maybe next time they should try putting harder things like swam with sharks, ate a live octopus, jumped 50 feet without a harness, blah blah.