happy birthday to me.
yes, i've turned 20 today. the big 2-0. twenty. bente. ni juu. er shr. dalawampo. whatever.
honestly, i never really though about my 20th birthday. i just planned until the grand 18th, when i would come of age. as for 20, nothing. but never in my wildest dreams did i think that turning 20 would be such a bummer. now, my birthday's nothing but a normal day of the week, with good food at the end of the day.
today is one of the ugliest i've ever been, the saddest, the downest, the most depressed, and most especially, the loneliest. i hate today.
so while it still supposedly exists, might as well use it as an excuse.
i said to myself that if he would NOT greet me today, that would mean that there was nothing, there is nothing and there will be nothing between us and that, tomorrow, i would move on. unfortunately, he did. but he did so with such unnerving coldness and with no effort whatsoever that now, i am left to question if i should consider it or not.
i really hate my birthday. i wouldn't mind if nobody remembered.
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