it's absolutely uncanny how a song can tell exactly how you feel. right now, i'm feeling down, bored, and so pissed off. i have no one to talk to and i still don't understand why i'm not over him yet. i should be miles away from thinking about him, yet here i am seated, typing yet another entry and hopelessly wishing he'd call. yes, i have tried calling him but i don't have the guts to actually wait for him to pick it up. i know i'm supposed to finish the article for the paper. the deadline is on friday yet here i am, staring at the computer screen, not a word in sight. heck, i have more to write on this entry than i do for that assignment. that said, i dont even like the assignment in the first place. i feel like leaving and never coming back.
maybe one day this will all be better. i sure as hell dont know when but who knows?
hmph.. its been exactly one year since he proposed. how was i supposed to know he wasn't.. and i was.. that we were gonna.. that he was.. and i wasnt.. whatever.
he just called. i feel stupid for answering the phone and feeling excited.. he just asked me to sing - just like old times. he says he still plays basketball. he says he's been sober since january. i've been sober only since sunday morning. its weird because i'm actually considering letting him cheat on his girlfriend with me. i swear i'm going crazy. i really really thought i was over him. i actually made myself believe that i was over him. guess i really wasnt. he's sayin when he gets his money, he'll take me out -- i don't know if it's a date date or just a friendly date. but what i know is that this treat is way overdue since it was supposed to be a bet and i won - and that was a year-and-a-half ago.
it's amazing how he actually remembers the nitty gritty details about our childhood -- heck, we were 10.. how am i supposed to remember?
i really hate this situation. i was actually crushing on the other guy and then he came along and i'm back at square one. this is so stupid. i feel so stupid.
{maybe tomorrow} i've been down and / i'm wondering why / these little black clouds / keep walking around / with me / with me / it wastes time / and i'd rather be high / i think i'll walk me outside / and buy a rainbow smile / but they're free / they're all free / so maybe tomorrow / i'll find my way home / so maybe tomorrow / i'll find my way home / i look around at a beautiful life / been the upperside of down / been the inside of out / but we breathe / we breathe / i wanna breeze and an open mind / i wanna swim in the ocean / wanna take my tine for me / all me / so maybe tomorrow / i'll find my way home / so maybe tomorrow / i'll find my way home [stereophonics]
maybe tomorrow, i'll be over you.
